Okay. Let’s be honest here for a second. If I don’t finish this thing before Kingdom Hearts 3 comes out I’m pretty much doomed. I think I only lack three chapters from having the bare plot bones on the page so I think it’s doable. I’m just getting sorta anxious that it’s almost over if that makes sense. I’ve been telling myself that of course I’ll go back and double check things a time or twenty but I guess the process of actually getting it published kinda freaks me out on top of impending financial stress. And, of course, there’s the looming fear that it won’t be good enough to be published.
It’s hard not to think about the monetary aspect of all this. It’s only natural that I want to make a career out of this. Really, this could solve so many financial problems that I don’t even have yet. I hate having to worry about money at times but this is a big step. If it’s a success, everything changes. And if it’s not… Everything changes.
Up until now, I’ve done a pretty good job of not focusing on the prospective supplementary income. This is always been something I’m doing just for me and to simply entertain. What can I say? I daydream on a daily basis so why not make it a story for others to enjoy too? Then all of a sudden it stops being something therapeutic and rather for financial gain. And I don’t want it to be like that. I don’t necessarily want name recognition or money, but at the same time, I kind of have to. If this is to be what I do for the rest of my life, I have to care about the money at some point, right?
If. If this turns out to be as good as I think it is, I hope nothing changes at the core of who or what I am. And if it doesn’t, I hope I can bounce back and try again. But I don’t want this to be about money. Not ever.