Makes you think

So it’s almost been a year since I started this blog and I guess I’ve just been reflecting on how it’s changed over time. I started out writing about serious topics but instead of criticizing or trying to inspire a call to action, I just wrote about how they affected me for the most part. And I’ll be honest, I hardly got any viewers in the beginning, which I guess is to be expected.

But then I started writing poetry and writing about writing in general. Which, to me, is what care the most about. I’m not sure if I should draw a correlation between a rise in viewership and the content itself realistically because I was in the early stages of establishing my voice. I can’t say for certain that the things I wrote about in the beginning were uninteresting because there were more factors at play than the subject matter.

Nevertheless, it makes me somewhat anxious to go back to that. Moreover, I’m entirely more focused on writing than I am about the state of affairs at the moment. Not to say that I don’t care about them. Neither do I lack an opinion on what’s happening out in the world. It’s just that I’m not sure where to go from here. I’m not sure how to make the transition back to that and I’m not sure if I even should.

I started this blog in a sort of therapeutic way. At the time, a lot of personal things were going on and I just needed to talk. Plain and simple. And I didn’t care what you thought. I didn’t care whether or not you read what I wrote or even liked it. But now I do. And that’s not a bad thing. However, it’s getting to the point where I’m letting it control what I write. I don’t think it’s necessarily wrong. But I suppose it’s not necessarily right either.

I don’t want to end up shouting something that so many others are shouting already and getting lost in transmission. I don’t know what I want to be perfectly honest. I know I want to finish this novel and I know that the blog is secondary to that. What I’m getting at is that I’m stuck in a loop of uncertainty and ambiguity. The blog is becoming an impulsive thing. Almost like a chore. But I plan to remedy that at some point going forward.

All in all, the whole experience of blogging for nearly a year just really makes me think about how far I’ve come as a person. I’m glad I’ve made the strides that I have and it’s due, in part, to just writing here. But I know that I’m not finished growing, so I’ll find a way to make more strides. And I suppose that this entire post is evidence of that.

So I guess I’m saying thanks for reading. No matter the reason.

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