I Might Have an Addiction

Help. I might be addicted to tattoos.

I don’t know if it’s the asymmetry or what, but all I can think about is my next one. I was actually thinking about the next one while I was getting this one (which, by the way, I plan to post eventually but I’m waiting on my tattoo artist to prepare a higher quality picture/video for me and she’s very busy). I’ve discovered that I may have a problem on my hands. I guess I’ve had this problem since I got the first one. I can’t stop. Won’t stop. But I probably should.

I don’t think I should stop because I’m overly concerned about what people think of me or how they see me. I mean, I would be lying if I said I don’t at all care about those things. But, the way I see it, I have to care about the person for their opinion to impact me in anyway (most of the time). No, I think I need to stop for two simple reasons. The first of which: I know I should be saving up to get out of debt (student loans mind you, but I’ll hold that rant for later) but instead I feel as though I am saving for more tats.

On one hand, you invest a sorta large amount on a tattoo, right? Well it’s there forever. When I think about it, how much money have I spent on things only for them to break or get lost? A lot of shit. Like a lot. That’s how I rationalize getting a tattoo. At least I can’t lose it. Plus it’s more or less as perfect representation of my likes, beliefs, and creativity (oh yes, I will delve into specifics at some point). But at the same time, I can’t use it and I’m not the type of person to show it off. I guess I’m just doing it for myself. I don’t know where I’m going with this, but TL;DR tattoos are a lot of money but I really like them and it’s a problem.

The other reason though. This is what really gets me. The healing process. Don’t let anyone tell you the pain is the worst part. The pain is nothing. The healing process though? Four to five weeks of constantly washing it/keeping it clean, not letting it touch anything, keeping it out of the sun, not scratching the itchiest fucking thing on the planet, not soaking it (i.e. swimming, baths, saunas, etc.), and generally just being super careful. The initial pain does not compare. Healing is agony. And I’ve been in a constant state of healing for three months over three sessions. And I might have to go back for a fourth session. I just tell myself “worth it” but man. I hate it so much. I mean, it is totally worth it but still. Don’t get me started on keeping it out of the sun when it’s 80+ degrees out. I’m really toeing the line between possible skin cancer and feeling comfortable outdoors (but I hope you can figure out which is more important to me).

But at the end of it all, I love having them. I love looking at them. Because my tattoos are of things that make me happy and I generally like being happy. I’m glad that I get them even though there’s an ongoing internal dialogue explicitly advising against it. Yeah, I’m definitely addicted to tattoos. I see them as never letting myself forget what makes me happy. Never forgetting what matters. But yeah, fuck the healing process.

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