What Truly Matters

Another progress update, yay! The writing process is weird. For me, it’s like take some notes, really try to visualize it (may take longer than a day), transfer it into prose, go to bed, wake up and read what I’ve just written, do some tweaking, repeat. Writing a novel is hard. I know what I want to happen, but there’s so much information to keep up with. So much foresight. So much hindsight. And it’s all got to mean something. And the research… The great thing about the setting being modern day is that all those recent events are still fresh on my mind. But the whole Greek Mythology part is killer. Don’t get me wrong, I love it, but it’s a lot.

I’m still finding it strange to be this focused yet so totally lost in my head at the same time. I sit down to write and sometimes it’s like I have no idea. Absolutely no idea where I go from here. But other times it’s like the characters want it to be written just as much as I do. And I personally think that’s a great feeling. The feeling that it’s writing itself rather than me. Actually, just the other night, I was writing a really emotional scene and I found it really hard to get through because, I dunno, I guess I was just in tune with the characters and actually felt it myself. But then the uplifting scene that followed filled me with so much happiness that I myself was smiling.

As I go about my day, I find myself wondering if it’s even worth it. Like fast forward a few months. Finished, edited, ready to go. What if I can’t find a publisher? What if I can’t find anyone that likes it enough to even read it? Is just being able to say that it’s done “enough?” In case you hadn’t noticed before, I could win a gold medal in overthinking. But these are things that need to be thought about. This is my only real plan. I’m putting my heart and soul into this thing, but I know there’s a real possibility that it won’t end up being enough to turn heads. BUT despite all those definitively pessimistic words, I am actually optimistic. In a weird way, I know that finishing the novel will be very therapeutic for me, whether or not it’s well received. Sure, I have a lot of self-doubt, but when I’m actually sitting down and writing, none of that matters. That’s why I write. Because it’s the one time that I feel truly free.

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